remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
