I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
