Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
