he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
