I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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