cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
