conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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