What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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