Your mouth is God's brothel.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
This is my gift to your gina
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
