david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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