I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
