Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
this boner is exhausting
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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