I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
