It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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