I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
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