Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
