I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
