I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
