He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
