6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
