the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
