Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
