You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
worst night to have a conscience
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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