Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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