you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
