Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
