i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
