I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
