Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Randomize
