so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
