We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
