After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
