Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
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