Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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