Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
