Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
