I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
You're a waste of cheezeits
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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