Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
