He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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