I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
