Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
