i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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