Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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