Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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