Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
