im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
