I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
