Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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