why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
