I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
