I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
