According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
