I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
