Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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