I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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