So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
